Category Archives: Random

Things that don’t really fit elsewhere.

Fun fact: most marriages don’t survive a home remodel

Nor, as I found out last week after ranting, raving and posting utter nonsense – does my own sanity. Wow.

Feeling TONS better, stomach finally settled – and I figured out what was wrong. Growing up, both houses I lived in had double pane windows. Until last week, I didn’t have them at home, and hadn’t since I was 18 (I think).

Becuase of that memory, I started thinking, probably over thinking, a horrific car crash I was in at that age. I almost died. Two large sedans crushed my car so bad, the three of us hit a semi loaded with wood. Some was even poking out of the lead sedan.

My little brother & I were banged up, as were two friends. Car was totalled and naturally, that started my longest (that I can recall) ever headache & back ache.

Moving out of home about a month later, back still sore (and ears, I think, have never, ever been the same) – no wonder the hammers drove me nuts last week.

Pro-tip: next time you get *any* remodeling done, if you value sanity, check into a hotel. You’ll thank me, the economy will thank you, and remember, the third time pays for all.

/back to work.

Created for free with the marketing meme generator at hookupJS.com

Learn how to use the FREE online marketing meme generator at hookupJS

I wanted to share a quick tutorial here on how to use the free marketing meme generator, including “branding,” the logo if you wish.

  1. First, is, visit hookupJS free marketing meme generator at our website.
  2. Next, if you don’t have a logo hosted somewhere online, ignore this step, but if you can, upload a logo somewhere that’s CORS compatible (warning: this tutorial is for developers or wannabe developers, only. Eg, there’s not “free tech support,” unless you’re willing to do as much “code,” as I am.
  3. If you have a logo, add it to the area on the website to use for your image. I’ve got mine, lol, so the image by default looks like this.
  4. meme-generator
  5. Customize the headline. After all, this is YOUR meme, your message. Your moment to show the world what a badass marketing guru you are, deep down. Show us the good stuff. See mine, here:
  6. Meme in progress

    Meme in progress

    Now, after I’ve gone through all that effort, I can download the image, shown below in this screenshot:

  7. Legends say, “X marks the spot.” Online, the people say, “click here,” twit.
  8. Can you find the hidden button that says "Click here" in the middle of the screenshot? If not, you are not welcome to train here, Padawan. Seek knowledge and fortune elsewhere.

    Can you find the hidden button that says “Click here” in the middle of the screenshot? If not, you are not welcome to train here, Padawan. Seek knowledge and fortune elsewhere.

    The screenshot of what’s happened so far, along with the hidden secret, wrapped in a puzzle, surrounded by mystery, of how to acquire the free meme generated by our tool and download it to your local computer. All free, online, no account required. What is this mystery Jeremy speaks of? It’s confusing. I need pizza.

  9. Now, I’m almost done. Bear with me, just a moment. I’ve used the magic button, and then, I found gold. Downloading the image took but a moment in time, that saves nine.download
  10. Then, well, I’m ready to unload. Didn’t I say that I was acting like Jay-z? I can’t wait to meet him, I have so many questions.
  11. I’m shipping the image, here and now, that I just downloaded through the power. The magic. The mysterious, hookupJS, the ultimate free tool to post to Facebook, engage your audience, and build real relationships with your fans. All free, open source, fully functional today and available for download on Github.
  12. postingtofacebook
  13. The account I have on hookupJS is free to anybody; once we get Facebook Graph API approval for managing pages, reading insights, and posting to pages. They keep things very well organized and have a high bar for apps, which makes me excited to work with them and get this launched. After all, that means us, as marketers, get to experience free, open source awesomeness like this regularly.
  14. hookupJS free account dashboard shows the post has been sent to Facebook.

    hookupJS free account dashboard shows the post has been sent to Facebook.

    See, the post shows a green box now, instead of black when empty with a “1,” that shows 1 post during that time block. If I had posted two, it would show two. Also, note that the history shows when, what time block, the previous posts happened. Eventually, this becomes a way to benchmark what times of the day your audience is most engaged, and, you can compete for “Audience share,” by time of day in your category. All coming soon, but for now, the dashboard still gives more historical insight than any other free tool on the market for Facebook – and, more than Moz, BrightEdge, Conductor, Buffer, Hootsuite, for free & with open source, full functional download like WordPress if you don’t want free SaaS.

  15. See the past posts to the social media channel after clicking the box.

    See the past posts to the social media channel after clicking the box.

    Want to see it posted to my page?

  16. Here you go:
  17. Meme posted to Jeremy Goodrich, indie Author and startup CEO, personal Facebook Fan Page

    Meme posted to Jeremy Goodrich, indie Author and startup CEO, personal Facebook Fan Page

    How’s that for eating my own dog food?

  18. BTW, if you’re curious – it’s awesome. Thought you’d like to know.
  19. The roadmap is public, on hookupJS.com, the crowdfunding is on Indiegogo, we’ve had zero support so far but more free, awesome stuff in the works no matter what.

Who doesn’t love a guy that gives it all up for free, no questions asked, without even asking for a kiss on the cheek first? :)

Bam! Two minute creative, with hookupJS. Nah. 1 minute creative. It's unreal.

Working hard: here’s some good advice about co-founding a startup

At the earliest stage of a startup, when an idea is morphing into a company, you’ll probably have the first of your difficult conversations: you and your cofounders need to divide responsibilities and assign ownership of goals and the tasks that need to be accomplished to achieve those goals. Final decision authority has to be established for individual areas and for company wide decisions. Some of this will rest with the CEO, some of it with the head of product, engineering, or sales. Those roles might be filled by the the same person, but the responsibility flows through the role, not the person.

Remember that this conversation can get contentious if people feel they are being cut out of decisions they believe they should own. It is really hard to cede authority, but it has to happen in order to create a manageable strucutre.

Talk about these issues early, write down your decisions, and regularly review them.

From here – http://www.aaronkharris.com/cofounder-management

Reason I’m sharing is because, obviously, we just shipped something today. Rather than trying to crowd fund in October, as I wanted, we waited. I’m broke. Out of gas. No funding on the horizon. :)

But, we have free, awesome, amazing software. How cool is that? It saves me time already. Frankly, I am not in the mood to hear, “Does it…?” It’s free. And, will continue to be free, at least, until I’m broke, then it’s gone, because the github repo will go with it. Will the software, the ideas, take root, grab hold and survive?

Though, it’s a hysterical image – and we still call her, “Great,” despite the interspecies fornication. :)

Brad Feld, venture capitalists who have, “Been There,” and stories

Reading in his blog today, via Hacker News, was interesting.

This was the quote I wanted to share:

There are also companies, like my first one (Feld Technologies) that bootstrapped and never raised any money. Well – almost no money. We funded the business with $10 (for ten shares of stock) and my dad personally guaranteed a $20,000 line of credit with his bank. We promptly spent the $20,000 on our first few months of operations, realized there was no more where that was coming from, fired everyone, paid back the line of credit over the next six months from our very modest positive cash flow, and then made a profit – and had positive cash flow – every month for the rest of the seven years of the business up until the day we sold the company.

See how interesting that is?

FunAdvice, the business I helped found in 2003, is still generating a quarter million visitors per month. Ninety percent is still from Google Search, as it has been since 2006, nearly nine years ago, and the only year since 2007 the site averaged below that size audience.

250,000 people per month for life earns about $2,500 per month

It’s an incredible annuity, to be certain. However, it’s not big enough to justify the $20+ million we were offered at peak (2009) nor is it worth, at present, the value on paper at the time I sold my stake in the business.

There is a lot of merit in analyzing the business over time, or 4chan, or Bianca.com from the mid nineties. During Bianca’s hey day, it was the biggest forum of it’s kind. I was there daily for years in college. Webby award winning community, bastion of free speech and hope. Etc, etc. 😉

Fast forward to 1999, Search Engine World was taking off. Brett Tabke, famous Publisher’s Conference founder, was learning how much value there was in sharing the new found world of information retrieval, research papers and, “Black hat,” search spam. In 2000, the largest webmaster forum for years started and I used the handle, “Han Solo,” for fun.

Nearly twenty years later, I’ve been involved in some of the largest, most powerful social networks of the digital era. However, the normal perspective from clients as to why & how I help is with search. Information retrieval is the backbone of search; just as it’s the backbone of digital.

The need to learn, to grow, to teach and enrich our own lives comes with an increasingly digital footprint. Last month, I filed a patent pending on more than twenty years of experience in building, participating, organizing and managing digital communities. Novels, stories and publications I’ve produced and written under a half dozen names reach a hundred thousand people a month.

Agondy, my personal blog, is one of the least influential outlets I own to share my thoughts.

Think about that for a moment. The cobbler’s children come to mind, when in fact, the individual might be the Picasso of shoes. However, to judge his works by the state of his children’s feet would do an injustice to his art.

I applaud Moot’s decision to move on, just as I moved on from WebmasterWorld, from Bianca, from FunAdvice, from MySpace and Geocities. There’s something poignant, meaningful and profound about the life cycle of a digital community. See, when I look at those places, those sites that even if they exist, are a pale shadow of the past, a dim echo, I see the points of inflection. As a moderator at Webmaster World, as a participant in Bianca, as an owner, President, co-founder of FunAdvice, quoted in the media and inflated ego, to boot.

It’s hard to separate your identity, sometimes, from the causes you believe in, the people you admire & love and the actions of your life. It’s hard to carve out a sense of individual, amongst the tribe, to put it into Seth Godin’s oft coined term.

If I get judged by the reach and size of this blog, so much the better. It’s my place, my spot…it’s not a commons, it’s not a community. It’s Jeremy’s Digital Universe and while people are free to browse, I set the rules. The tone. The color palette, the lighting and the mood.

Step in, be curious, be open minded…or ignore it. Step away, hide in the shadows, pretend networked killer robots aren’t possible…just because you can ignore magic doesn’t mean it’s a bag of tricks.

Any sufficiently advanced technology will seem like magic to the uninitiated; I’m happy with that. There are a dozen sites I can name off the top of my head which reach hundreds of millions of people per month, where my copy still lives. Still breathes. Still inspires, gives hope and meaning. Without my name, with no traces, no digital signature to know the artist behind the curtain.

Cheers to anonymity. Cheers to hope. Cheers to Richard Fenynman, famous physicist.

Why? Because like other famous authors who used an alias, so did he. Rubbed shoulders with Einstein, to boot. So to those who think my behavior strange, that I shun the spotlight, that I refuse to sign my name and instead, use a pen name…to anybody who thinks we’d all be better off with my name in lights, well, why?

I think the universe is better off if each of us can share the spotlight, can feel like the hero in our own story. Even if I share some stories, I’m a commercial artist. It’s about getting paid, about making people smile. Not writing my name in the snow like a small boy. Besides, do you know how much you have to have in your bladder to write six letters in cursive?

How many family members get free marketing services from you?

Digging a ditch is thirsty work. Via Wikimedia Commons and the US Military.

Digging a ditch is thirsty work. Via Wikimedia Commons and the US Military.

Last week, after hearing from a family member I hadn’t talked to in a while, I made a decision. Roll up my sleeves, jump in and help. When there’s work to be done where I grew up, there was only one thing to do.

Grab a shovel. Dig in. Lend a hand.

Seems to me that everybody should treat family that way. It doesn’t take up a lot of time helping people, but, some folks get surprised. Could be because after saying I make $100 per hour, they expect, because my family members own multiple businesses, we’re somehow swimming in money.

Sigh. Nope. Not even close. With misconceptions, though, it sometimes means that you have to be the bigger person. Offer to help, even if perhaps, it’d be great if they paid, because time is money.

However, for family, isn’t it always easy to help bring in the groceries, for example? I’m sure most able bodied men would not hesitate to help out carrying something for a family member who’s older, sicker, weaker, less muscular or similar. Most women wouldn’t hesitate that I know, either. They’d also be less likely to complain than most men I know. :)

Again, this is one of those stories that’s not really mine to tell. I’m an actor on a larger stage, a player if you will. My time is now, eventually, it won’t be. I must admit a certain curiosity, though, about my kids. Will they want to keep the massive digital archives that will be passed onto them? A family tree on steroids, after a fashion.

It’s almost the new year and a lot of people make, “New Year’s Resolutions.” If I may be so bold, what if you helped out your own family next year more?

Family isn’t always the people who gave birth to us, who share our genes, our hair or skin color. It’s the people who stand by you, more than friends, who love you even if at some point, you were a schmuck soccer player, perhaps too intent on digging for gold to be bothered to play the game.

I can’t avoid the skills I use to earn a living and the nice thing is that the skills I have are very, very useful to any business. It makes me smile when I think of how much I’ve helped, even if I don’t get paid. Money isn’t the point.

Family is. I hope you cherish yours this holiday season. Have fun, smile and lend a hand. It feels fantastic.

Sucks to get fired from your job when you’re about to visit your children

Back in April, that’s what happened. First, I was going to visit my step-dad in the hospital. Then, I was going to visit my kids in Hong Kong. After getting fired, being robbed and more, I still haven’t been able to fly out there to visit my children.

However, for the first time in two years, I’ve given them a present. It’s a belated birthday gift, for the last few years, one for each of my precious children.

I know, I know. Everybody says their kids are precious. I’m not a scumbag and I have my priorities straight. Soon as I make a decent salary (my boss can be a bit scatterbrained), I’m heading out there for a week to say hi, hang out and give them hugs so tight they complain. :)

Image via wikimedia commons.

Image via wikimedia commons.

Nothing I can give them makes up for two years of childhood missing. Growing up, my dad was overseas a lot, and back then, phone calls sucked. The latency was terrible. Now, the only thing I really miss is the warmth of their touch, the soft skin of youth, the smiles that say, “Daddy, it’ll be okay.”

I miss that a lot. First, when interviewing, I told people the truth. I want to work from home, so next summer, perhaps, I can have my kids visit for a longer time.

Do you know the reaction I got from potential employers? “Oh, you want to take an entire summer off and not work next year.” At least, that was the vibe I felt. In one interview that was, verbatim, the reaction…unreal right?

I’m not going to name names, but wow, that was completely unexpected. More and more, I’m realizing why. Silicon Valley, as they say, is a long way from DC. Business only regulates some laws, not how you make people *feel* about those laws. Sometimes, it means emotional vampires will want to suck the life out of you – because they can.

Thankfully, most startups I met, including Dropbox, Netfix, ebay and others just weren’t a good fit for me. It’s far, far better for me to be in the team I’m in, now, eating a slice of humble pie, and finally putting my search & social knowledge to good use.2014-12-8-social-insights

For us, the team works from wherever in the world they are productive and I don’t yet foresee a need for a central office.

Happy Holidays.

If your boss offers a free colonoscopy, respond, “Can’t touch this,” like MC Hammer

Guess what the knee jerk reaction was of my boss, when I called in sick, from the actual factual hospital?

2014-12-20-mlk-wikipedia-commonsHe called me back later on, saying he stopped by, but they had no record of me being checked into the hospital. Well, if you request, you don’t have to allow the hospital to admit you’re there to your f#cking boss. Period. He’s not family, he’s not a friend and I most certainly didn’t agree to the anal cavity search.

Why did I bring up the colonoscopy?

Simple. When he asked me for a favor to drive him back to his car, I agreed. During the car ride, he admitted he had a colonoscopy done that morning. I can only speculate but given person’s crimes, he probably needed some medical validation that other people couldn’t see how completely full of sh!t he was.

Reality is when I checked into the hospital last year, I signed a bunch of waivers and wasn’t able to be released until the medical professionals who helped me performed their job. That’s why we visit hospitals. To receive care, from professionals, with training.

And guess what?

My employer has zero f#cking rights to know what the hell I was there for – not if I had a lobotomy, not if I had my c0ck chopped off, not if I had my sixth toe removed or dealt with, like Chandler Bing in Friends, that, “Irritating third nipple that freaked out all the women I dated.”

Calling me later on, telling me that he double checked, the hospital said they could neither confirm nor deny my stay. I had to edit my privacy settings so that my ex-manager could confirm, while I was hospitalized, that yes, in fact, I was at the hospital receiving care.

Have you ever heard of such an insensitive prick that they need to see you in the fucking hospital to believe you’re sick?

I still don’t get it. Despite requests to a few folks (hey, sorry, not going to name names, but I asked for help – just make sure you don’t need a favor next time, I might accidentally forget you’re a decent human being) – despite lawyers called, law firms solicited and writing the companies involved…

I ask again: If GM Labs kills me in the next few days, will people start to believe how f#cking evil they are?

Federal law isn’t some abstract concept. There wasn’t ever an agreement I saw in my USA that said, “Oh, goodie! We can chuck that freedom crap into the sh!tter!” Near as I can tell, that’s been tried. The Bush family, in particular, had an awesome decade of attempted coup de’tat back in the 1930’s. Even topped it off with illegal arms sales to the goddamned Nazis, but somehow a few generations later, they’re grand-kids are worthy of being president.

Trust a guy who’s been accused in the media recently of the impact a false accusation like that can do to your character, your attention, your friends. It kind of sucks, let me tell you.

Just like in Princess Bride, “I’m waiting for Vesini,” or something, when Inigo Montoya is laying there, drunk, because the man in black kicked his ass. Thing is, ex-manager did kick my ass, illegally.

I’d like a lawyer to help me take a piece out of his, along with the other lawbreakers who f#cked me over. However, I’ve got business to run and if you go around executing people, then it’s nothing but, “Work, work work all the time,” to quote the Dread Pirate Roberts.

I prefer my enemies alive, beaten and bloody. This way, just like Westley threatened the Prince, to the pain means that I leave you in freakish agony, for all time, so that every day for the rest of your miserable life, you’ll know who beat you. :)

Cheers.

If you are ignorant of the law, and American, you have only two options. PDF explaining the highlights of HIPAA, from 1996, learn or be taken advantage of. Image screenshot via Wikimedia commons here.

Credits, citations and traces: good people, we all cheat a little

From the work of behavioral economics great, the book, “Predictably Irrational,” tells us that we all cheat a bit. That’s normal in American history.

If we look at the evolution of human society, I’m sure that every culture has a bit of, “Cheating,” as the normal.

However, we draw the line at our own children. As Bill Gates emotional maturity showed, it’s time those with wealth, power and influence follow his example. Let’s compete by how many children we’ve saved, how much better the human condition is, the world over.

Let’s give all the children of the world a priceless gift this holiday season, and in the years ahead.

Freedom. Trust. Privacy. Safety. Comfort. The knowledge, deep inside, that we can all be the heroes of whatever story we tell ourselves with the power of our own minds.

It’s what being a hero means to me. I’d like my children, and yours, to all have a shot at becoming whatever superhero we need, as humanity, to unite us and enable all the children of humankind to have clean water, loving families and a brighter, cleaner & better tomorrow.

Cheney, the VP I knew became President – he was good. You’re evil. Bullets inside.

It's a bit strange they keep giving him interviews. Either we start waterboarding the guy finally and sell it pay per view - or not. Done.

It’s a bit strange they keep giving him interviews. Either we start waterboarding the guy finally and sell it pay per view – or not. Done.

Dick Cheney…oh, how your parents *knew* that they named you so well. The boss you had, who became president in very questionable circumstances. All because perhaps of what he did when he helped off Kennedy, right?

So your old buddy’s son makes good, you’re jealous. On a hunting trip, you accidentally shot the bastard who’s with you, wishing, imagining for a moment you could do what my family was accused of – ascending the throne for selfish reasons.

Unlike the man I knew, who was Vice President of his country, then President – that man has good intent. Not once, despite the Daily Show (Jon Stewart, I love you, but you owe me and my family for hosting Anni Nasheed and his lies), despite the Late Night Show, of this idiot accusing my family of something wrong. Letterman, your career is almost over, but the “Nail in the coffin,” was hosting an ex-dictator and calling him a “Leader of the free world.”

Richard Branson, jumping in on knowing some of the people involved, but a single meeting never determines character. Trust is built over time, not an instant. Richard, if we ever have the pleasure of meeting, let’s agree – you completely, 100% misunderstood about Maldives, Waheed and had ZERO business interfering. In return, I’ll assume you weren’t being British and trying to fuck an indigenous people once more…or attempting to burn the seat of my federal government, the White House, like in 1812. I know the Brits were pissed, but guys, it’s been centuries – move on already.

However, now that we all know what little Dick is whining about, I propose that we let him have it.

1. Dick Cheney, we’ll nominate you for the Republican President, right after Obama finishes (I’ll help elect you, sick twisted man you are, if you ask – nicely).

I’ve already helped personally fill a presidential role as a marketing consultant after all. Unlike what the media in Maldives said, unlike what Richard Branson said, unlike what the UK Government said, I’m innocent of all accusations. If I was guilty, Chase Bank would have my $3 million dollars, and I wouldn’t be working full time to launch my ideas.

2. We tally up the waterboarding you and Bush junior ordered. I think 2x is more than fair, especially since it’s, “Not torture,” right? First your kids get to go twice each, while you watch, unable to look away. Before you get to feel it, I know, father to father, seeing your children treated the way you treated those prisoners would make you lose it.

3. After we finish waterboarding your children (we’re licensing this to Showtime or HBO, probably Showtime, think, as a pay per view special), guess what’s next? Your turn.

4. For the crimes you’ve helped so many people commit across the country, for the faith we’ve lost in each other, it’s only fitting the families of Treyvon Martin and others get a chance to help you understand how the waterboarding really isn’t cool – but as you say, it’s not torture, so it’s okay.

5. Last, but not least, since you really, really crossed the line with that, “Rectal feeding,” bit…after you’re waterboarded so much you can’t see, hear, think straight, after your lungs are nearly collapsed, sobbing, gasping, aching in pain throughout your body, the likes of which you have never experienced…

…in that moment, when dear god, all you can think, all you can process is, “Oh, no, they’re stuffing food up my bum.”

That, Dick Cheney, is the only way you’ll ever, ever become the Republican President of my beloved United States. I’m not sure when your family arrived to spoil the party, but “We got here first.” American blood had been flowing in my veins for a hundred years before we tossed the redcoats.

Besides which, Cheney, you’re the bastard that made the call to start getting creepy.

Not me, friend. Reap what you sow and the American people will finally believe you aren’t a greedy, selfish, envious, odious man.

Patent pending cryptography and the bitcoin indexed digital world

When we think about how movies like, “The Secret,” can influence us, they seem like the corniest ideas imaginable. Deep down inside, I’m still the little boy who spent all his money on comic books, as soon as he could. Who read about the Professor, Wolverine and wished, someday, the good guys would win over the bad guys.

Unfortunately, it’s easy as an adult to forget how much *fun* it was playing with toys. Magical. Delightful. As a child, I played with He-men, with Transformers, dressed like a Pirate, a Super Hero. Dreamed.

At some point, the dreams left and then the career took over. Business became business, not fun. Those dreams remained buried, deep inside. When my own children started to grow up, and especially these last few years, watching, yearning to be with them. Not being able to bask in their glow, to watch them become men. It’s frustrating to be a remote controlling parent and trust me, the wish I have most inside is to hug my children once more. To hear them laugh, to be made fun of, to hear them tell me, “It’s okay.”

Comfort. Security. The idea that their identity or mine, could be stolen at the drop of a hat concerns me greatly. I have two unique, special and precious children. We come from different countries, but they are mine and I am theirs. Their father, and like any father, I want the very best for them. It’s a bit tough to compete as a man in the “badge,” arena when you have humble beginnings to your own story and have always felt a tiny, gnawing insecurity inside.

“Am I good enough?” I asked, earlier. Before I knew, I’d wonder. That wondering, that gnawing doubt, I allowed inside, it took hold, root and grew. Suddenly, I lifted my head up, lost, unable to remember where I was or worse, *how* I had arrived.

We’re all good enough to be fathers, otherwise, we’d never have been able to make children

Flaws, mistakes, rough edges and more are what make us special, unique. If we all made the right decision, the right call, all the time, we wouldn’t be human. We’d be gods. So as a father, with the flaws I own, with every imperfection inherent in every imperfect cell of my flawed from the beginning body…if I’m qualified to be a father, if any human being is qualified to reproduce, we all are qualified.

It sounds corny to write that, or even think it. But, it’s true. I know every parent I’ve ever met has asked themselves that question, and now, I know, it’s doubt. Pessimism. I’m good enough to have made children, and I love them. I expect their flaws, and I expect their pain. I am going to share their tears and their triumphs. Relish in their glory, their accomplishments and achievements. Small, large, relevant to my life or outside of my comfort zone, their outcomes are their own.

I’m just here to give what advice I may, because I love them, while we’re both on the same spinning, floating ball in outer-space, the third rock from the Sun, in the Milky Way. It’s a big, wide, massive universe out there.

What if hope, what if love, what if that unique gift we all share, to be human, to be flawed, really is the answer we’ve been searching for?

Have you ever wondered how ugly we all look compared to the aliens? We’re not humans, after all. We’re Earthlings :)