Pro-tip for men when networking: how to fly like an eagle

One of my favorite song lyrics says, “Fly like an eagle.” Dunno who wrote it at the moment, but, I’ll update this post later on with a citation of sorts. Thing is, if you want to, “Win,” at networking, it’s simple.

First, use psychology, cultural anthropology and social norms to achieve success.

I’m not much of a marketing expert, but I took psychology and cultural anthropology classes in college. Along with linguistics and gender, then for personal interests, I started really getting into sociological studies, psychological influences based on economic models, aka, behavioral economics like Freakonomics, etc. Thing is, I realized something after all those articles, books and lessons sank into my brain.

Grow some scruff, it makes you look more social. “He was up last night,” aka, hanging out. Being, “The Guy,” because, everybody wants to know, “The Guy,” right? If you want to hang out with a guy, any guy, whose male, why not hang out with a real, “Man?”

Psychologically speaking, that means a male individual in the United States that is capable of growing a beard, unfortunately. Other cultures don’t have the fascinations we do, the hangover associated with (pun intended) taking cues from other men’s beards.

Second, grow yourself some manly eyebrows.

Jeff Weiner, CEO, LinkedIn, Neil Patel, Serial Entreprenuer & Co-founder CrazyEgg, KissMetrics, Chris Zaharias, legendary SEM secret sales weapon and founder, SearchQuant, via my LinkedIn Network

Jeff Weiner, CEO, LinkedIn, Neil Patel, Serial Entreprenuer & Co-founder CrazyEgg, KissMetrics, Chris Zaharias, legendary SEM secret sales weapon and founder, SearchQuant, via my LinkedIn Network

Seriously. Take a look at the photo of the guys who are all (weird, all men) crushing it in my network, the top 3, the ones who I’ve set my sites on to see if I can’t spread good cheer even better than these fine folks. It’s a tall order, but thankfully, there’s one of them who I outweigh, unless he got fat since I last shook his hand. :)

Those eyebrows are all striking, eh?

Third, show-off the squareness of your jaw.

When reading common books, seeing a Superman or Batman movie, we all know one thing right? The, “Super hero,” is the guy with the carboard box shaped jaw-line. Regardless of individual capability, it’s a clue that, culturally, this person might have super-powers hidden inside. Truth is, these guys all have super-powers, but, that does not mean that every guy with a handsome jaw-shape has super-powers.

Note that I didn’t attempt to look straight at the camera.

There’s a trick there, too. Based on research from companies like OKCupid, if a man is trying to be more, “Alpha male,” he is aloof from the situation. Thinking big thoughts, if you will, focused on his business. These other folks in my network, with the square jaws, collectively have a footprint (and networth, if I guess) many magnitudes my own. Therefore, with great power, comes great responsibility.

The primary goal of their photos is to inspire trust. Mine, is to attract attention, encourage people to grow curious and provoke deeper abstract thought. This triggers potential for change, because abstract thinking is at the root of our ability to imagine a brighter tomorrow.

In summary, I’ve chosen inspiration over trust in my photo because at the end of the day, I’m pretty transparent, if you read my blog. It’s here as a public record for folks that might potentially want to do business with me in the future. Just like other CEO’s do, to ensure that when people investigate the company, they know the good, and the bad, the real story. Truth is inspirational, and in reality, I’m seeking to inspire first, to dare to imagine something greater.

I admit, share and learn from my mistakes here, too, at least, the professional ones. :)

Then, after you are willing to accept tomorrow could be better, only then, do I ask you to trust me. If you think tomorrow’s going to suck, well, it’s not the kind of message I want to send, nor my company or network to send. Together, we can do amazing things.

If you imagine a better, brighter tomorrow, you might want to subscribe over at hookupJS, or check in here regularly. Writing is my passion and with the new gig I have, well, we’ve figured out a way to translate accumulated goodwill into business profit. So, the more goodwill I have, quite literally, the better off I am financially.

Isn’t that epic? To me, it’s Amazeballs(tm).

Bill Murray’s “Scrooged,” and why perhaps Christmas sucks this year

I’ve had the misfortune of getting fired by a guy who broke the law.

He should be in jail, but, he’s not. I’ve had friends who got fired by a guy who didn’t get a pay cut, like I did. All I did was miss plan, set the timetable back by about three weeks.

I didn’t fire anybody, like Scrooge. Remember what happened to Bill Murray? He had to see a homeless guy die from the cold before he finally realized, “Oops.” Kind of like a 1988 version of General Motors.

Oh, wait. Back then, they were doing, “Planned Obsolescence,” where the company basically decides how long before you have to cash in the old shell for a brand new deal. Now, corporations are doing the same thing to a degree with software. Deprecating my Macbook, perhaps, when the hardware is still rock solid.

Courtesy Wikimedia Commons, A Christmas Carole, Original 1843 edition.

Courtesy Wikimedia Commons, A Christmas Carole, Original 1843 edition.

With a free OS, so if I take the sucker’s bet, I end up with a bricked device perhaps. 1,600+ negative reviews saying their device got bricked. More people saying, “Brick,” than declaring, “Victory.” The other reality is, given the massive size of Apple’s ecosystem, they should have a massively huge number of five star reviews, inside their own platform, overwhelming the smaller number of one star reviews.

I digress, though, about Bill Murray and Scrooged. Want to know the best part?

There was a small child in the movie. His father was killed, in front of him, when he was a very young boy. As a result of this trauma, he never spoke. How many of us, watched, in horror after somebody shared the film of Mr. Garner being choked and then dying? “I can’t breath,” I wish I could un-live those moments, or have had somebody tell me what was in the film.

A man died. He had children, and nobody’s been punished. “Scrooged,” if you will, and nobody is singing this holiday season.

Yesterday, I wrote a piece on my company’s blog, as a soft rebuttal to the idea of, “Peace,” until there is, “Justice.” Not knowing today, we’d read in the news that two police officers were shot and killed.

That f#cking sucks and won’t fix anything. My heart grieves for the families, the friends. However, my heart is still grieving over the lack of justice in our judicial system. If it’s not there to mete out the justice, to punish the guilty of their crimes, then we need to change the laws.

Allow mind rape, allow theft, allow anything else that companies do which they never get punished for doing. If we aren’t willing to stomach the punishment, we need to repeal the laws themselves that suggest these behaviors are abhorrent to society.

I have a hard time believing that Angela’s been robbed, at gun point, by black men in a home invasion robbery. Somehow, it’s hard to believe that somebody worth multiple millions of dollars know that kind of shitty feeling.

It sucks, let me tell you. However, it didn’t matter what the color of skin was of the men who robbed me, more than a decade ago. It could be Martians, and I’d still know: not all Martians are bad, just because two of them happened to rob me. It’s all good, as they say, in every bunch, we can find a few bad apples.

Should I hate on white people because my last Caucasian boss was the one who broke the law the most, in my entire professional career, while being my manager? That’s an awfully strange idea, but, I could consider it for a half moment before realizing, “Crap! I’m peach,” as my younger son usually says. Others have said I’m, “White as a ghost.”

Either way, that kind of rules out hating on white people. Then, when I consider my ex-business partner was Jewish, should I start thinking every Jew I can partner up with will get me the maximum money in the shortest period of time?

Do you see where this goes? Or, do I say, unless the team is Chinese, or Costa Rican / American / German, they won’t have the best engineers?

It can’t be that our personal biases color our world. It must be, for society, that we let the rules of society, that we’ve determined as a group, that, “Social convention trumps individual liberty.”

That means punishment, for the wicked. Justice, for the wronged.

And please, for the love of god, if you didn’t have your head tapped with a loaded fire arm, if you didn’t end up getting screwed by a corporation whose CEO who broke federal and state law, left you massively in debt and more…

…if that’s not you, then you’re welcome to stay the crap out of the public debate.

Because, in this context, you have two options:

Advocate that we repeal the laws, rape, pillage and steal. That way, once the new laws are set, it becomes a matter of ex-post-facto punishment, which we do not allow in America.

Or, we punish the guilty. There must be justice, it is blind, and it knows the scales must be balanced. Otherwise, those of us who have been wronged in a way that society declared must never happen know one single thing for sure.

We’ve been Scrooged, and you rich bastards are at the heart of it. I refuse to believe it.

Expertise, knowledge and the Tao: Paul Graham’s latest essay

It’s interesting how, less than a thousand works into an idea, Paul’s essay has sparked a life of it’s own. The situation one find’s oneself when they’re head of a large, vocal community. Or even just a very well known co-founder of said community.

Can you guess what I was thinking yesterday?

When I lived in New York, and worked in Manhattan, people had an expression I’ve never fully understood until the Edward Snowden incident in New York. “DC is a long way from here.” The clear meaning when New Yorkers would say that is that, yes, while we have our nation’s capital, they are there, we’re here, and we need to interpret, govern and get on with life. We aren’t intended to wait, genuflecting and bowing towards DC ten times a day (because Islam has 5, Americans would need to genuflect 10, just because moar).

I lost some, “Karma,” on the site, because everybody is shouting to each other, “Look, look, that expert over there!” I’m a stand up comic; part time writer and full time dreamer. Sorry, not the influencer you’re looking for and to top that off, my, “Influence,” is questionable at best. Either my stories are bs (they aren’t) or they are so completely unlike the, “Pedigree,” of what we expect in the tech community that I seem like an alien.

Trust the government, in silicon valley these days, and mention it on the site, and you lose face. Mention that, sometimes, things don’t change as much as people would have you believe, you get shot down. Well, oops. It may have been a mistake, but losing karma was the only price I’m okay with paying.

Has the pace of change kept increasing?

Water seller in Istanbul, courtesy, Wikimedia Commons. I agree with the water vendor; I'm not happy those bottles are still non-recyclable, nearly ten years later.

Water seller in Istanbul, courtesy, Wikimedia Commons. I agree with the water vendor; I’m not happy those bottles are still non-recyclable, nearly ten years later.

Yes, and no. Ten years ago, Google went public, dethroned Yahoo as number two. If you bought a million dollars in Apple stock that day, or bought a house in Silicon Valley, guess which was the smarter investment? Not buying Google; instead, the *day* of their IPO, bought Apple. Back a decade ago, I was invited and still didn’t crack the first million members of LinkedIn; I could still use FunAdvice, then or now, and the audience is largely the same – only I’m no longer President and no longer own any stake in the business.

Ten years ago, Youtube was being conceived in the minds of the founders, and next year, it’ll be a solid decade since it went out. Yahoo 360 has probably been forgotten for nearly as long as Youtube has existed.

So, given that, what’s so different?

TripAdvisor was acquired about a decade back, and Yahoo passed, because most of their traffic was driven by Google. If you fast forward to today, Facebook replaced Google as number one in traffic, and Google replaced both Yahoo and Bing. They, in turn, bumped AOL and Ask so far down the list, we can’t see them anymore.

I could go on, but outside of biomedical advances, it’s very, very hard to see my internet differently. I still get days in Campbell, CA when the internet is as slow as Maldives, 2009. Or Costa Rica, 2002. If the internet is as slow, now, for 80% of Americans as it was a decade ago, something’s wrong. Even for me, in the “Heart,” of the tech epicenter, I can’t get faster speeds.

I can barely get what I’m already paying for monthly from the company who is the only one that gets to sell the higher end service. A, “Monopoly,” if you will. Internet was also cheaper a decade ago, so were houses and my salary at work was 70% of what it was in 2012, 2013 or 2014.

What’s changed then if people keep saying, “The Change, The Change?”

Presidents have risen and fallen. I’ve heard a number of novel excuses that ring hollow from American politicians, on both sides of the aisle, that if it was a foreign country, the collective society would laugh. Get snarky. Make fun.

Sucks when the shoe is on the other foot and then, Americans all, we turn on each other. I had to lecture my own father last night, about choosing between your very own children and some abstract concept. This isn’t a religious debate; if you cannot see your own children take priority, you have lost your mind.


Like most things in life, sometimes, it depends on the seats you have. How well you get to interpret events. Then, the rest of us have to trust, given our “nose bleed,” seats, that when you relay events, we can trust your account.

Those in power are always going to be closer to the action, in a sense, than those of us on the outside. I’ve seen that movie play out, over and over.

The winds of change never originate from the minds of experts, domain or not, Paul. “A riot is the language of the unheard,” RIP MLK Jr. Remember Ferguson.

Remember Treyvon Martin, killed in the streets in cold blood.

Remember, as an example, we have the Castle Doctrine in California.

I’m on record as having been victimized, multiple times, by an ex-manager who violated state and federal law.

This holiday season, I’m in my full, 100% legal rights if I rip his goddamned head off and shit down his throat, then bath in his blood at Whole Foods in the parking lot.

I’ve already been admitted, then released, from a mental hospital. The guy tried to stalk me there, too. I can’t own a gun, have no interest in obtaining one.

Martial arts experts only become regulated when they are a lethal weapon, and that varies by state. Despite studying ninjitsu from a fifth dan black belt, despite studying Karate from a grand master, despite studying Tai Chi, Jeet Kun Do, Wing Chung and more, despite multi-colored belts, despite the board breaking, I’m not a lethal weapon. :)

Remember, as a society, Americans have said that, “Treyvon’s death wasn’t murder.”

Do any of you in Silicon Valley realize what that means for me, when I have been threatened?

If Dave shoulder taps me in a parking lot, accosts me in a men’s room, or I bump into him outside of my house, I’m still going to be legally able to kill him. Rip his head off, wipe my butt with his scalp and toss it away, without a second thought.

Welcome to modern American, Silicon Valley. This is the legal infrastructure we’ve co-created. This is the society we live in and now that you know, let me share something.

When Treyvon got killed, didn’t it *feel* like a modern lynching? When I got stalked and harassed and compared my ex-manager to Scrooge, a fictional character, or pointed out the federal law breaking, embezzlement and fraud, didn’t it *feel* like 2008 all over again?

When I asked, if GM Labs kills me, will people believe they did wrong? GM, via negligence, is on record as having killed people.

No, I’m not about to kill anybody. This was an exaggeration, to prove a point.

However, when you consider Treyvon Martin, the only logical conclusion is this. Dave Rothschild should be put in jail, to protect him. If a friend of mine, or some fan of my blog, or my ex-business partner, or just somebody who sees that he resembles Scrooge, kill him, guess who’s going to take the blame?

Exactly. The only safe thing to do, the only rational thing to do, the only moral thing to do, is lock the bastard up for Christmas.

Otherwise, there might be hell to pay.

Gee, given that I was attacked, mentally raped and robbed by my boss, doesn’t that sound like a corporation from the 1930’s?

Perhaps we haven’t changed much after all, even though we have new toys, humankind is still struggling to leave the cave.

I’ll believe that change, real change, is here when people can’t break the law and still walk free. My family didn’t help create this country to eventually ensure power, corruption and mental rape were the, “Go to,” moves of the future.

Until then, anybody who says we have a lot of change is selling you something.

Foul ball, penalties and salary changes: this CEO gets a pay decrease for the new year

A lot of people like to do, “New Year’s Resolutions,” and the last few years, indeed, most of my life, I’ve had a habit of doing, “New Year’s Planning,” instead. What I mean by that is I reflect, pause and try to grow as a person.

Highlights this year were on-boarding my team, Adam and Hans :)

Low-light this year was missing plan, given we’re a month behind schedule.

So, given that, “I touched it,” I own it – CEO means buck starts, and stops here. Some companies have a saying, “Sh!t rolls down hill.” I’ve always hated that idea.

Image via wikimedia commons.

Image via wikimedia commons.

Effective in our financial models for the business (still an LLC, but, we’re following plan) immediately, I’m dropping my salary to be the lowest on the team. Also, a lot of reflection went into our salary plans and levels.

However one thing that sounded great, because I got the idea from Buffer, was to increase pay based on what, “Expensive,” city or location you’re in.

Well, that’s also getting kicked out the door. The reasoning is simple because long term, I don’t see myself living in an expensive area. Talent might not live in a large city, but it might be found in unexpected places, that I know. After all, I’ve been importing talent from Nepal, India, China, Costa Rica, UK, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Ukraine, Maldives and many other countries for years.

The plan personally was never to hire in any given place. Learning from my parents growing up, I realized that, “Buy low, sell high,” was a great idea. Ask any good American, “Neo-colonialist,” and they’ve been pushing product production East, towards India and China.

That’s a fantastic strategy and until now, the very best engineering team I’ve ever worked with was from China. Fate gave me an awesome chance to work with a great guy, who grew to become an even better leader and, well, I’d love to say friend.

Consulting is good. It’s great, in fact, especially when you have awesome clients. I’m a tinkerer at heart though, and will only ever be truly satisfied when I have ample time for, “Work,” and what I call, “Play,” or what other people call, “Chatting with the best engineers and standing in awe as they make dreams come true.”

Besides which, this is a short term move. I’ve got next year, and the next, to do a better job. Improve performance. Enable the team to hit the group goals. Also, once we hit massive profit, I can’t underpay anybody on the team due to IRS rules about base pay and using somebody’s past experience and salary as a guide. Otherwise, I’d be able to slip myself a bunch of bonus money, along with the rest of the team, and lower my overall tax burden artificially – that’s a huge no-no. The only reason I’m able to do this is because, frankly, I missed plan. Sucks but whining won’t fix it. :)

I’d also like to take a moment and challenge other CEO’s whose teams were perhaps fired to drop their salary to be the lowest on their executive team. Both in cash and in stock, which is what I’m doing.

Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Now, for those who aren’t the “boss,” of the company, like me. Ask the friends and families you see this holiday season, who perhaps have been hit in the face by corporate greed. Or been the unwitting victim of a colonoscopy.

Ask them if they think they deserved to get screwed. Or maybe, just maybe, the rich, the powerful and the influential should hold themselves to the standards I’m putting up.

You know, a humble, nobody guy like me. Somebody you’ve never heard of, haven’t met, and that can’t do anymore harm than a butterfly, right?

If your boss offers a free colonoscopy, respond, “Can’t touch this,” like MC Hammer

Guess what the knee jerk reaction was of my boss, when I called in sick, from the actual factual hospital?

2014-12-20-mlk-wikipedia-commonsHe called me back later on, saying he stopped by, but they had no record of me being checked into the hospital. Well, if you request, you don’t have to allow the hospital to admit you’re there to your f#cking boss. Period. He’s not family, he’s not a friend and I most certainly didn’t agree to the anal cavity search.

Why did I bring up the colonoscopy?

Simple. When he asked me for a favor to drive him back to his car, I agreed. During the car ride, he admitted he had a colonoscopy done that morning. I can only speculate but given person’s crimes, he probably needed some medical validation that other people couldn’t see how completely full of sh!t he was.

Reality is when I checked into the hospital last year, I signed a bunch of waivers and wasn’t able to be released until the medical professionals who helped me performed their job. That’s why we visit hospitals. To receive care, from professionals, with training.

And guess what?

My employer has zero f#cking rights to know what the hell I was there for - not if I had a lobotomy, not if I had my c0ck chopped off, not if I had my sixth toe removed or dealt with, like Chandler Bing in Friends, that, “Irritating third nipple that freaked out all the women I dated.”

Calling me later on, telling me that he double checked, the hospital said they could neither confirm nor deny my stay. I had to edit my privacy settings so that my ex-manager could confirm, while I was hospitalized, that yes, in fact, I was at the hospital receiving care.

Have you ever heard of such an insensitive prick that they need to see you in the fucking hospital to believe you’re sick?

I still don’t get it. Despite requests to a few folks (hey, sorry, not going to name names, but I asked for help – just make sure you don’t need a favor next time, I might accidentally forget you’re a decent human being) – despite lawyers called, law firms solicited and writing the companies involved…

I ask again: If GM Labs kills me in the next few days, will people start to believe how f#cking evil they are?

Federal law isn’t some abstract concept. There wasn’t ever an agreement I saw in my USA that said, “Oh, goodie! We can chuck that freedom crap into the sh!tter!” Near as I can tell, that’s been tried. The Bush family, in particular, had an awesome decade of attempted coup de’tat back in the 1930’s. Even topped it off with illegal arms sales to the goddamned Nazis, but somehow a few generations later, they’re grand-kids are worthy of being president.

Trust a guy who’s been accused in the media recently of the impact a false accusation like that can do to your character, your attention, your friends. It kind of sucks, let me tell you.

Just like in Princess Bride, “I’m waiting for Vesini,” or something, when Inigo Montoya is laying there, drunk, because the man in black kicked his ass. Thing is, ex-manager did kick my ass, illegally.

I’d like a lawyer to help me take a piece out of his, along with the other lawbreakers who f#cked me over. However, I’ve got business to run and if you go around executing people, then it’s nothing but, “Work, work work all the time,” to quote the Dread Pirate Roberts.

I prefer my enemies alive, beaten and bloody. This way, just like Westley threatened the Prince, to the pain means that I leave you in freakish agony, for all time, so that every day for the rest of your miserable life, you’ll know who beat you. :)


If you are ignorant of the law, and American, you have only two options. PDF explaining the highlights of HIPAA, from 1996, learn or be taken advantage of. Image screenshot via Wikimedia commons here.

That's a sweet hockey stick if I've ever seen one.

Moving heaven and earth, tai chi and the power of will

I’ve had an interesting week, to say the least. Some good, some bad and then the water pipes broke. No joke, in fact, despite it seeming like one. My step-dad and mom, along with my older brother, routinely have a number of things that happen in life.

So do I, but, the one thing we all have in common is we get back up. Period.

My blog is, quite literally, Catching Fire. :) Thanks.

My blog is, quite literally, Catching Fire. :) Thanks.

To whit, I was stalked, fired, robbed, threatened and more by my last full time job. His business, kind of like, “Scrooge,” if he had not listened to the ghost of Christmas future, destroyed.

It sucks what happened, but evil is a temporal thing, same with greed.

The guys can be redeemed and time heals all wounds. This week, despite my stress, that voice inside my head is gone. I can think clearly, articulate a plan and entertain the crowd. Comedy, acting, theater used to be one of my passions. It’s nice to see the skill is there, latent, waiting to be tapped. About eight years, between fifth grade through freshman year in college, I was in the theater.

Adam’s a genius at it, of course. Growing up, he kicked my butt in a few things, theater and soccer chief among them. As a freshman in college, he was invited to the team, a first division school. There’s this epic photo of him that had the wrong caption, lol, but he looked fantastic. These days, it’d be a, “National Geographic Photo of the Day,” or something.

Back to my point about Tai Chi and the Will to Succeed

Tai Chi helps you regulate your breathing, which is excellent to help focus. Something I need right now, after dreaming up the, “Ultimate product,” we need to reign in our creative impulses and focus. Prioritize, cut features if needed and slim down the product to where we can ship. Set a deadline, quick-march to the finish and then see if we can’t deliver even better.

Shipping is winning, in my mind, and when the team doesn’t ship, it’s not winning. Developing in the darkness never works, even if people might be able to sell the, “Stealth Mode,” argument, what I’ve seen is the opposite.

More light streaming into your business model, the more you’ll have a chance at redirecting that flow, participating in the energy, and shining on.

Check out my stats, you’ll see that I’ve been crushing it on LinkedIn. It’s time for holidays, time for family time for friends. However, you have the option any time, any place, to start glowing. It’s inside all of us and we can break free, anytime, if we choose.

If others drive slow, drive fast.

If others drive slow, drive fast.

Wanna see what the hockey stick looked like?

That's a sweet hockey stick if I've ever seen one.

That’s a sweet hockey stick if I’ve ever seen one.

Finally, the “coup de grat,” and why everybody should think about what I said when they could double their blog traffic, for free, two weeks back.

I’ve tripled mine. Best month in a year. See here:

Traffic by month for past 13 months. Crushing it.

Traffic by month for past 13 months. Crushing it.

Here’s one final parting message, today, after so many, many tech companies have a, “Holiday shutdown.” Even if you’re walking the quick step, if everybody else is sitting still, a small team can run nearly endless circles around larger teams.

Looks like my team and I will just have to keep winning. Share, enjoy and feel the positive vibes, people. I’m listening to some Reggae music this weekend.

Humble suggestion: tech workers, unite

If there were tech “unions,” then the rich, powerful companies would not have been free to suppress wages (I got the notice about the ebay / Intuit lawsuit, so did everybody else – let’s stop trying to hide what’s true, okay?).

If you wake up and smell the hummus, Fred Wilson’s system that he backed, last month, has a solution. Bitcoin based identity. Our patent pending technology builds on top of that, to enable power to the players unlike any other technology in Silicon Valley over the last half century.

If you, like me, tend to make companies millions of dollars regularly, we should chat. At my company, the CEO gets paid less than the CTO, in cash, and in stock.

Everything is as halocratic as it gets and with our tech, things will be, quite literally, in the hands of whoever wants to grow the most, to get whatever dreams, personalized, they wish in their job.

After all, if I have my dream job, shouldn’t my team have their dream job too?

Credits, citations and traces: good people, we all cheat a little

From the work of behavioral economics great, the book, “Predictably Irrational,” tells us that we all cheat a bit. That’s normal in American history.

If we look at the evolution of human society, I’m sure that every culture has a bit of, “Cheating,” as the normal.

However, we draw the line at our own children. As Bill Gates emotional maturity showed, it’s time those with wealth, power and influence follow his example. Let’s compete by how many children we’ve saved, how much better the human condition is, the world over.

Let’s give all the children of the world a priceless gift this holiday season, and in the years ahead.

Freedom. Trust. Privacy. Safety. Comfort. The knowledge, deep inside, that we can all be the heroes of whatever story we tell ourselves with the power of our own minds.

It’s what being a hero means to me. I’d like my children, and yours, to all have a shot at becoming whatever superhero we need, as humanity, to unite us and enable all the children of humankind to have clean water, loving families and a brighter, cleaner & better tomorrow.

Cheney, the VP I knew became President – he was good. You’re evil. Bullets inside.

It's a bit strange they keep giving him interviews. Either we start waterboarding the guy finally and sell it pay per view - or not. Done.

It’s a bit strange they keep giving him interviews. Either we start waterboarding the guy finally and sell it pay per view – or not. Done.

Dick Cheney…oh, how your parents *knew* that they named you so well. The boss you had, who became president in very questionable circumstances. All because perhaps of what he did when he helped off Kennedy, right?

So your old buddy’s son makes good, you’re jealous. On a hunting trip, you accidentally shot the bastard who’s with you, wishing, imagining for a moment you could do what my family was accused of – ascending the throne for selfish reasons.

Unlike the man I knew, who was Vice President of his country, then President – that man has good intent. Not once, despite the Daily Show (Jon Stewart, I love you, but you owe me and my family for hosting Anni Nasheed and his lies), despite the Late Night Show, of this idiot accusing my family of something wrong. Letterman, your career is almost over, but the “Nail in the coffin,” was hosting an ex-dictator and calling him a “Leader of the free world.”

Richard Branson, jumping in on knowing some of the people involved, but a single meeting never determines character. Trust is built over time, not an instant. Richard, if we ever have the pleasure of meeting, let’s agree – you completely, 100% misunderstood about Maldives, Waheed and had ZERO business interfering. In return, I’ll assume you weren’t being British and trying to fuck an indigenous people once more…or attempting to burn the seat of my federal government, the White House, like in 1812. I know the Brits were pissed, but guys, it’s been centuries – move on already.

However, now that we all know what little Dick is whining about, I propose that we let him have it.

1. Dick Cheney, we’ll nominate you for the Republican President, right after Obama finishes (I’ll help elect you, sick twisted man you are, if you ask – nicely).

I’ve already helped personally fill a presidential role as a marketing consultant after all. Unlike what the media in Maldives said, unlike what Richard Branson said, unlike what the UK Government said, I’m innocent of all accusations. If I was guilty, Chase Bank would have my $3 million dollars, and I wouldn’t be working full time to launch my ideas.

2. We tally up the waterboarding you and Bush junior ordered. I think 2x is more than fair, especially since it’s, “Not torture,” right? First your kids get to go twice each, while you watch, unable to look away. Before you get to feel it, I know, father to father, seeing your children treated the way you treated those prisoners would make you lose it.

3. After we finish waterboarding your children (we’re licensing this to Showtime or HBO, probably Showtime, think, as a pay per view special), guess what’s next? Your turn.

4. For the crimes you’ve helped so many people commit across the country, for the faith we’ve lost in each other, it’s only fitting the families of Treyvon Martin and others get a chance to help you understand how the waterboarding really isn’t cool – but as you say, it’s not torture, so it’s okay.

5. Last, but not least, since you really, really crossed the line with that, “Rectal feeding,” bit…after you’re waterboarded so much you can’t see, hear, think straight, after your lungs are nearly collapsed, sobbing, gasping, aching in pain throughout your body, the likes of which you have never experienced…

…in that moment, when dear god, all you can think, all you can process is, “Oh, no, they’re stuffing food up my bum.”

That, Dick Cheney, is the only way you’ll ever, ever become the Republican President of my beloved United States. I’m not sure when your family arrived to spoil the party, but “We got here first.” American blood had been flowing in my veins for a hundred years before we tossed the redcoats.

Besides which, Cheney, you’re the bastard that made the call to start getting creepy.

Not me, friend. Reap what you sow and the American people will finally believe you aren’t a greedy, selfish, envious, odious man.

Hi Brad, I saw you half naked at Intuit. Remember me?

Notice his arms are folded; if you know body language that screams, loudly, "I'm smug - and hiding something."

Notice his arms are folded; if you know body language that screams, loudly, “I’m smug – and hiding something.”

Startups don’t fire friends, Brad. They treat employees like *family*. I don’t fire my brother. So, when will Intuit stop the ritualistic summer time firings?

When you do, I’ll believe that, truly, Intuit is acting like a start-up. A new business operates on trust, the trust in the existing relationships of the people involved. When you violate that trust, even if you, as a high level, multi-million dollar earning executive, need to be able to share in the teams pain. Did the “Timmy,” in your personal life suffer this holiday season? I’m sure that I could name a few folks I know who’s family suffered, after five plus years of service, when YOU made the decision to fire them all. How about it? Let’s say, instead of this “start-up envy,” some of you uber rich people seem to have, treat your people like family.

Now. Don’t wait. Tell us you give a crap.

Then, and only then, perhaps we’ll believe that you mean to treat Intuit, the team, the people, like family. Tell me, publicly, that “We care and give back,” isn’t some corporate bull-pucky.

Or do you lack the cajones to tell Wall Street you’re done hurting families on an annual basis, like some twisted parody, “Hunger Games,” corporate style.

Grow a pair. Please. Or get off the pot.

Personally, I’m sick and tired of your, “Compassion,” when the only thing I see is profits rise, perks fall, while you get paid and fire my friends.

It’s pretty fucking shitty behavior.


Notice, I’m calling out his business – not how he looked without a shirt on…he could have easily changed in the stall, I didn’t realize that being an employee meant seeing the CEO’s hairy chest, but, I’m the one who has to live with that after image for the rest of my life. It wasn’t my chest, it was his and unfortunately, what’s been seen and shown in public can’t be hidden.

Or was that your way of, “Foot tapping?”