The future patent which boils down to, “You’re going to have a crappy morning.”

When I first started in the search industry, I would read patents voraciously. Years later, when I considered filing for a provisional myself, I did some more research and eventually discussed my project with one of the leading firms in the country. At the time, they had Intel and Google as clients. Who wouldn’t want to hire the company that represents those two titans of technology?

Now at my current job, we talk a lot about, “the how,” which only this morning did I realize how profoundly important that is, especially as it relates to a patent application. There may be multiple patents for a process, but the key to creating that patented process is how the patent functions. The application of it’s unique invention. In the US, there are people who are for and against the whole notion of software patents. I’m still not sure where I stand on the issue, but I did have a killer app idea this morning which I want to open source.

Here’s how you can patent the very notion of telling somebody, with a straight face, they will have a sh!tty day

First, you design an iphone app for the healthcare industry. Several market leading companies have already started providing similar, but none with the fiscal backing of the largest, most powerful healthcare tool in the Western world: The WikiMedia foundation. Yep, given the stats on how often people are googling their issues and finding near as accurate diagnosis as a doctor would provide, this app is one leg of a massive healthcare revolution. Workflow with an app is key, so you’ll want to build out a team of rockstars, (or ninjas, per Hacker News, Ninjas seem to be on the rise where rockstars are out of favor in the tech world).

Next you simply prioritize the conditions that the app screens for using a well designed interface. Ask them what their symptoms are, query the database, and then present the results in an intuitive, friendly fashion. I’d humbly suggest you start with diagnosing IBS, or Irritable Bowel Syndrome. After you get the provsional patent for this app, the press release practically writes itself. A million blogs light up with the headline, “OMG, startup XYZ just patented the process of telling somebody their going to have a sh!tty day!”

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