If your boss offers a free colonoscopy, respond, “Can’t touch this,” like MC Hammer

Guess what the knee jerk reaction was of my boss, when I called in sick, from the actual factual hospital?

2014-12-20-mlk-wikipedia-commonsHe called me back later on, saying he stopped by, but they had no record of me being checked into the hospital. Well, if you request, you don’t have to allow the hospital to admit you’re there to your f#cking boss. Period. He’s not family, he’s not a friend and I most certainly didn’t agree to the anal cavity search.

Why did I bring up the colonoscopy?

Simple. When he asked me for a favor to drive him back to his car, I agreed. During the car ride, he admitted he had a colonoscopy done that morning. I can only speculate but given person’s crimes, he probably needed some medical validation that other people couldn’t see how completely full of sh!t he was.

Reality is when I checked into the hospital last year, I signed a bunch of waivers and wasn’t able to be released until the medical professionals who helped me performed their job. That’s why we visit hospitals. To receive care, from professionals, with training.

And guess what?

My employer has zero f#cking rights to know what the hell I was there for – not if I had a lobotomy, not if I had my c0ck chopped off, not if I had my sixth toe removed or dealt with, like Chandler Bing in Friends, that, “Irritating third nipple that freaked out all the women I dated.”

Calling me later on, telling me that he double checked, the hospital said they could neither confirm nor deny my stay. I had to edit my privacy settings so that my ex-manager could confirm, while I was hospitalized, that yes, in fact, I was at the hospital receiving care.

Have you ever heard of such an insensitive prick that they need to see you in the fucking hospital to believe you’re sick?

I still don’t get it. Despite requests to a few folks (hey, sorry, not going to name names, but I asked for help – just make sure you don’t need a favor next time, I might accidentally forget you’re a decent human being) – despite lawyers called, law firms solicited and writing the companies involved…

I ask again: If GM Labs kills me in the next few days, will people start to believe how f#cking evil they are?

Federal law isn’t some abstract concept. There wasn’t ever an agreement I saw in my USA that said, “Oh, goodie! We can chuck that freedom crap into the sh!tter!” Near as I can tell, that’s been tried. The Bush family, in particular, had an awesome decade of attempted coup de’tat back in the 1930’s. Even topped it off with illegal arms sales to the goddamned Nazis, but somehow a few generations later, they’re grand-kids are worthy of being president.

Trust a guy who’s been accused in the media recently of the impact a false accusation like that can do to your character, your attention, your friends. It kind of sucks, let me tell you.

Just like in Princess Bride, “I’m waiting for Vesini,” or something, when Inigo Montoya is laying there, drunk, because the man in black kicked his ass. Thing is, ex-manager did kick my ass, illegally.

I’d like a lawyer to help me take a piece out of his, along with the other lawbreakers who f#cked me over. However, I’ve got business to run and if you go around executing people, then it’s nothing but, “Work, work work all the time,” to quote the Dread Pirate Roberts.

I prefer my enemies alive, beaten and bloody. This way, just like Westley threatened the Prince, to the pain means that I leave you in freakish agony, for all time, so that every day for the rest of your miserable life, you’ll know who beat you. :)


If you are ignorant of the law, and American, you have only two options. PDF explaining the highlights of HIPAA, from 1996, learn or be taken advantage of. Image screenshot via Wikimedia commons here.